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| "overcome us that, so overcome, we may be ourselves..."
from The Great Divorce - CS Lewis
A wise person said to me that to be our true selves - our truest selves - is the purest way to glorify God.
I am deeply committed to believing that is true.
Does anybody write better than Lewis? I am newly resolved to read the things of his I have not yet read.
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| I remember watching a kindergarten teacher tell a circle of seated little ones that it was good to say things that you were trying to learn out loud because then it went into your brain in more "gates" - your mouth made the words and your ears heard them and if you were reading aloud, your eyes saw them, too. It made sense. But if I just write and my fingers touch the keys and my eyes see them, are the words stored away a little deeper? My brain knows I can retrieve them with a click. Do you think if it gets written down it is moved to a different place in the brain? One less close to the front of the file cabinet?
I did something different to the email settings accidentally and a HUGE list of sent email became visible at once. I spent a couple of hours reliving two years. It was so interesting - things I would not have clearly remembered were right there and it all rushed back with just a few sentences. Had I not written those letters, I would perhaps not have those clear memories. Maybe not have them at all. It makes a point for journaling. Diary, perhaps. Little padded book with an impenetrable little-brother-proof lock on the clasp.
A journal would be entirely different than a collection of email letters though. Communication is far different than memory capture. I have a few diaries of relatives.... weather reports, event listing, sometimes a thought, primarily documentation. Interesting for what was left out compared to what was preserved.
I recently bought a stack of old tintypes and photos from an estate sale - they are lifetimes conveyed with an expression, a posture, the distance set between the subjects, a slight turn of the body toward or away. Endlessly fascinating to me. Even the portraits - what clothing was chosen, what position was assumed, what props were gathered, what facial expression set.
No wonder I was a sociology major.
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| motivation to post more often - ah, yes, they return to the place where relationships were maintained (and made, sometimes!) with thoughts and words instead of pictures.
welcome back, gentlemen and ladies.
very happy to "see" you.
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| ** parts for Tia**
I have this deep conviction that I do not know what to do on these holidays, and I tend to avoid them somewhat... just do other people's stuff, you know? But I came up with a small start of traditions: I am asking all of my "children" to make me an ornament for my tree. It can be absolutely anything. The more mis-matched the better, I think. I have some old ones from the childhood of my children I gave birth to so I will have a few to begin the decoration. And I will use those big bulbs from my own childhood. And tinsel, of course. As the queen of art supplies, this seems fitting for me. It is a start. And this means I will have to have a tree - something I have not done since my mother died in 2004, so 2003 was the last one. Time to do that again.
I like Christmas, but this is a fruit of my lingering grief - this dismissal of celebration. I am going to try. Really. Watch.
You, too, Megan. Bring it with you.
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| almost a month between entries? My life has been very busy. I will write again soon.
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